Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What a dumb baby whore.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
