the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
