The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
