Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize