I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize