I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Couch. On fire.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
