you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
