Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
