omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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