I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
