so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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