Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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