names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
