1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
