PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I will pee on everything he values.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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