I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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