you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
