Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
