Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
