do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
