He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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