Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
His hands were made for my vagina.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
