I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
There's even glitter on my cock...
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