You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
