You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
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