Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
