I have demons in me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
