my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
