Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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