dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
