She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
