I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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