so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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