Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
