i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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