You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Two words: blizzard sex
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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