K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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