Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
