I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The adults are the big ones right?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
