If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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