Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
