so explain again why im purple
no
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
