Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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