I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy