i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
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my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
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After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?