Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
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dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
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Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.