Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home