i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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