smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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