its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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