My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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