Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
