I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
What a dumb baby whore.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
