I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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