What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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