I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
