we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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