speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
