I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
