Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
