There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
